The Truth About Why I Left My 9–5

People see me today and think I made a drastic decision that changed my whole life.

Half of that statement is true. I made a decision that changed the trajectory of my life. However, even though it seemed drastic from the outside, there was a an internal journey of rooting into myself that unfolded for years prior to that external decision and life change coming to fruition.

I feel like when I look back over my life…events both big and small that have shaped my path, re-routed my journey, and gotten me to where I am today…all suddenly make sense as a whole! As I’ve reflected on what truly was the catalyst of what led me to quitting my 9-5 in 2025 was what at the time felt like an answered prayer…I was offered and I accepted the position of Manager, HR Systems & Compliance. A team I was very familiar with and currently worked on as an individual contributor. This was September 2021, right before my 34th birthday (this detail will be important later on!). I was soooo excited! The corporate dream, making my way up the career ladder. I had made it to management!

Little did I know…this would be the start of the end. My little perfectionist self got right to work! I was determined to prove I belonged and that I was worthy of this role (even though I had already achieved it). The reality turned out to be…me crying everyday for about 4 months, feeling an immense amount of pressure to still operate in my SME (Subject Matter Expert) Individual Contributor role, as well as, figuring out this new managerial role and all that it entailed. I had very little guidance, it was truly sink or swim… most days I felt like I was drowning. It’s a pretty grim picture, but not all of it was bad, one of the main silver linings was my team. I was blessed to have an amazing, high performing, self-directed team that had no issue with their colleague now becoming their manager. Without their support, I would have never made it through that time or the years to come.

Without getting too far in the weeds or focusing on the negatives, the frustration, burnout and overall feeling of despair…the next 4 years were grueling. My team and I were at the forefront of a multi-year enterprise wide automation project where all of our Human Resource (HR) systems were being overhauled.

Our world was ever-changing:

🌪️there was no sense of stability

🌪️the known no longer existed, there was constant change

🌪️we were continuously figuring out new systems, new processes, fixing broken things

🌪️and as the frontline to our organizations customers…being the punching bag for everyone’s resistance to change

They were dark times for sure, even through that I tried my best to protect my team where I could and bring my optimistic outlook on life. The stress, exhaustion and burnout kept taking me further and further away from my bubbly, happy, optimistic, and supportive nature. It got harder and harder to tap into my optimism. The Summer of 2023 was when we finally launched the largest new system. I thought once we had launched and maybe a few months after the craziness would end…it didn’t.

Once we launched, I stepped in (in protection of my team members and because I could see the original plan would not work) as the leader of the new team that was formed to manage day to day operations, maintenance, and enhancements. My own worst enemy, taking on additional work in support of the success of the project. The result…I now had added a 3rd job to my current role and responsibilities. I managed my Systems team and led two other teams that worked on the operations, maintenance and enhancements of two very distinct systems. I thought this configuration would be temporary…it continued until I quit.

Two (2) years into the implementation of a new system, I was performing 3 jobs, including being a manager. I was leading over 30+ employees and contractors, where only about 8 of these actually reported to me directly. There was no stability in sight, the teams were all drinking from a firehose. In addition, 2025 began so we also add in the mix of budget cuts, employees being called back into the office, re-organizations, reduction in workforce. The environment went from burnt out and frustrated employees to unstable, uncertain, tension filled, and just plain toxic.

As a Projector, I FELT all of it! Projectors are deeply sensitive to the people around us and we feel what others are feeling and experiencing. So I was not just feeling my own burnout but the burnout, dissatisfaction, tension, and frustration of all those around me. People I had known for years…folks that were optimistic, happy, bubbly humans by nature were now constantly irritable, sad, tired, fatigued, and had little patience for anyone or anything. I could see it. I could feel it.

I shared what I was seeing, feeling, and my concerns of where I saw it going to anyone that would listen. Leadership was not hearing it. Nothing was changing. I kept getting more work, and felt sick to my stomach every time I had to delegate to my already drowning team members. After all the experiences over the 4 years as a Manager this is what broke me…Seeing my people’s souls shattered and not being able to do anything about it.

The energy I am here to embody in everything I do, my life’s purpose if you will (Cross of Incarnation), is the Cross of Upheaval. What that means is that I am here to speak up against what I see is unfair or unjust and to give a voice for those who do not get a say in it. Once I learned this, my frustration and anger made so much sense! I had no control over what was happening and it felt like I was not being heard when I voiced my concerns and stood up for my teams. My soul and integrity was at odds with how I was being asked to operate, to just do and turn a blind eye to everything else going on. But I couldn’t. At the end of the day I didn’t care about the work…I cared about the people.

Here’s the thing, looking back I don’t blame leadership. Leaders themselves were probably trying to keep it together with all the demands that were falling on them that the rest of us could not see. Our leaders were working within a system that is not built to care for the overall health and wellbeing of its employees, no matter how many times they try to sell that message. The system is only concerned with optics, results and the bottomline. The system is broken. It was not my job to fix the system, my purpose is to open people’s eyes one by one to:

🤯 How the system does not work

🤯 That it is not the only path

🤯 There are other ways of being abundant without sacrificing one’s health, wellbeing and integrity.

Once I was called back into the office every day, after 13 years of working remotely…I knew that was it. The last straw. The choice: a paycheck or ME.

I chose myself. I knew that staying would have slowly finished killing my soul and my body. And no I am not being dramatic or over-exaggerating. The intense load on my nervous system would only have gotten worse and worse.

Instead, I chose:

💕 My physical health

💕 My mental and spiritual sanity

💕 My purpose to support women to be the highest version of themselves and obtain their freedom

💕 Possibility of getting pregnant and starting a family (something I knew deep down would never happen if I stayed…)

💕 Freedom

💕 To bet on ME to be SUCCESSFUL in my own way!

Lastly, I want to finish on a heartfelt note. As I wrote this I learned a mentor, colleague, and former manager passed away suddenly. He was at work on a Tuesday and suddenly passed away the next morning. It was unexpected, even though he had been dealing with health issues for a number of years. He was actually my last manager before quitting my 9-5. For me it was like a right of passage to report to him before I left the organization. Over my 15 year career even though I did not report to him, he quietly supported my journey and career growth. He was a beautiful and gentle soul. It makes me so sad that he chose to prioritize the job over his health.

This is why now more than ever I am committed to what I do! Supporting women to ground into their authentic selves, re-gain self-trust, obtain the clarity of the life they truly want and ultimately, their freedom! Every time a woman chooses herself, a life is saved. You’ve got an incredible purpose and mission, don’t let fear of the unknown or scarcity keep you in a space you no longer belong or have outgrown.

Outgrowing your life isn’t a failure… it’s an initiation.

If this spoke to you…if you felt something in your body while reading this…don’t ignore it. That feeling isn’t random. It’s your intuition trying to get your attention.

You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

Let’s dive in by starting with a personalized Human Design Reading, so you can truly experience the incredible insights and wisdom that are here for you!

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Love & hugs,

Nikole ✨