People-pleasing is slowly destroying your life…
I was having a conversation with a close friend last week who reached out because she felt stuck at work. At first, I thought she was asking for guidance. But very quickly I realized what she was truly seeking: validation. Validation that she was allowed to say no.
That realization made me deeply emotional and honestly…angry. Angry at how deeply women have been conditioned to overextend, over-give, and override themselves in order to be seen as worthy. Because people-pleasing is rarely just a personality trait. It is often a survival pattern.
And in women, especially minority women, and in my own experience as a Latina that pattern can run incredibly deep.
People-pleasing shows up in all areas of our lives but in the work/career realm is the one I am most passionate about. Why? How we do one thing is how we do everything. We spend the majority of our days, weeks, months and years at work. It is one of the areas we hold most conditioning in. When I moved to the United States from Puerto Rico and landed my first full-time job. My work ethic was instilled by my parents who grew up in a generation where you work your a$$ off, you don’t complain, you sacrifice yourself for the illusion of stability and a paycheck, and then at some point in life you retire. Because I was a Latina in the U.S. that meant that my effort got to be 10x more than anyone originally from here. So I got to work!
I worked more than anyone else. I learned everything I could, I paid my dues, completed the tasks no-one wanted to, said yes to all new work, worked ridiculous hours, moved to other jobs, and started to climb that corporate ladder. In addition, I felt added pressure to know the job, systems, and information better than any of my peers because I was the young, pretty, Latina and had an accent (English is my 2nd language). Once people saw me, they already had judgments around whether I knew enough and was giving them the correct information. These are not assumptions I made up, they were feelings I was picking up from these folks I interacted with. Now years later, knowing I am a Projector (penetrating aura) it makes so much more sense I would be in tune with others feelings and emotions.
Most of my life I spent it being:
The “Yes” woman
Trying to prove my worth
Working round the clock
Striving for perfection
Being available all the time
Equating my value to how much output I produced
Making sure everyone else was comfortable
Sacrificing myself for the wellbeing of others. Who can relate?
Where did that get me? It burnt me out…hard! After a good 10 years of working at that pace, proving I was worthy of being in the positions I held and in the rooms I participated in… I was done. There had to be a better way. This old paradigm of sacrificing yourself for others or for a paycheck was not going to cut it. I knew I had to find a different way, a unique path that would allow be to thrive again. About this time was when Human Design came into my life. Human Design gave me language for patterns I had lived for years but never fully understood. It helped me see:
✨ where I was overriding my natural energy
✨ why certain environments drained me
✨ why boundaries were not optional for me
✨ how much of my work identity had been built through conditioning
That awareness changed everything.
More and more women are awakening to these patterns and structures that no longer work. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. When I realized it, it got harder and harder to stay. You are probably already feeling it. You may be feeling frustrated, angry, or confused at work and asking yourself:
How can they not see how tired I am?
Why don’t they care how I am doing?
Are they blind to how all this work is not realistic?
Unfortunately, I am here to tell you from personal experience that: No, they don’t know how unrealistic what they are asking of you/team is…until you tell them. No, they don’t care. Not because they are bad people, but because the system is not built so they can care about you without sacrificing themselves in the process.
5 work truths I learned the hard way:
As long as the work is getting done…no one cares how you are doing it.
You will always get the calls and emails outside of work hours…because they know you always respond.
They will ask you to do one more thing on your already filled plate…because they know you’ll say yes.
No company will create work/life balance for you…they will take everything you give them.
Your overachievement becomes the expectation…you won’t be rewarded for it.
In summary, the harshest reality for me to realize and accept was this:
No one is going to save you…you get to save yourself.
Learning this really lit a fire under my butt! I knew my job was not my forever job but was not certain what options or other career paths were out there for me. So I really dove into my Human Design experiment and I used my job at the time as my own personal experiment. One of the first things I started to put in place and test out was BOUNDARIES! If I did not learn how to hold up boundaries, say no, protect my energy, prioritize myself over work… there would be no use in moving jobs, changing careers, or creating my own business because I would continue to operate with the same behaviors and patterns that had gotten me to that point of extreme burnout and dissatisfaction. I was the savior I was waiting for. I had to be let me drive to do something different outweigh my fears of being judged and disappointing others.
I set my boundaries. You could ask my team at the time! I walked the talk. I took my days off, I logged off at my regular time, I did not respond to emails or phone calls outside of my work hours, I practiced saying NO, I took vacation days without guilt, and I declined unnecessary meetings. I also started to share my realizations and learnings with others. I shared what I was doing around boundaries and why it was so meaningful.
As a 6/2 Projector, my design is deeply rooted in guiding through lived experience sharing what I have learned, what I have tested, and what has transformed me. Empowering women to regain their self-trust, attain clarity and create a path toward freedom is my life’s purpose. It has been my journey and I am elated to be able to guide you on yours.
You are the change you are waiting for!
You are the catalyst to restore your system!
You are the co-creator of your life!
That truth is what inspired Rooted & Free: Your 9–5 Exit Blueprint, a mentorship for the woman who knows she can no longer sacrifice herself for everyone else and is ready to move toward freedom in a rooted, sustainable way.
This is not a decision to rush. It is a life transition that deserves clarity, grounding, and intentional support.
If this spoke to something deep within you, let’s begin with a conversation. ✨
💫 Book a Rooted Exploration Call ➡️ link here
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Why not stop waiting and create the change you want for yourself?
Love & hugs,
Nikole ✨
